Thursday, May 22, 2014


What if I told you that you are safe? You don't have to perform. You don't have to worry. You don't have to fight. You don't have to do anything except be you?

Maybe lots of thought flow in. Or you think of all the things you need to remember. Or a certain way you need to be. All the things you need to do. What if this? What if that?

Leave it.

This is the biggest lesson I've learned at the halfway point of my ABM training. These are the thoughts, or rather, noise, that is generally going on at a steady pace in my mind that I recognize and put aside. When the noise is gone, I don't need permission. I don't need someone telling me what I need to do or what is expected. My fears of doing something wrong go somewhere else and I am present.

There is no competition, not even with myself. I can just be and enjoy the freedom to move, explore, and learn. It is exhilarating. I can see and hear and feel things around me and truly connect.

Connection is a huge thing. We need it and frankly, I don't think we get enough. I could go into all the reasons why, like too much dependence on technology, physical separation, pretense. Our present culture can easily dissolve connection. But that is a digression. Back to connecting. I realized when I got home from training how much I miscalculated eye contact. I thought I was making eye contact, but I was really making face contact. Noticing this difference has allowed conversation to take on a new dimension. It's not just a thing that happens. It has become deep and powerful.

This feeling of safety makes me more connected to the things I am doing. There are daily activities, creative pursuits, and the time I spend with my sons. Being more present with them and what we are doing makes the whole experience richer, more colorful. All of our personalities become bigger and more vibrant. My boys are still at a young age and I am happy that I can thoroughly appreciate it all.

With the trauma that happened when David was injured, and the scary new world our family was thrown into, I wanted to make sure David was safe. I also wanted him to "get better." I wanted the brain injury to go away. I wanted to magically wake up and find my son rolling and talking and enjoying all the abilities that were taken from him. We are five years into the wake of it all. In retrospect, I may have tried too hard to help him. There was too much expectation and not enough safety. I think that is one of the reasons we were drawn to ABM.

All the times I've observed David on the table during a movement lesson, I wonder what is happening. It inspired me to become an Anat Baniel Method Practitioner. I wanted to know what was occurring that spurred so much change in him. What is the practitioner doing that lights up his brain? Connecting. David feels safe on the table and free to move and wonder. 

Safe means accessible. David is able to access things within himself and change. I am doing the same in my training. With this realization comes responsibility. Namely, to share the experience of feeling safe.  It's a muscle I need to work. It is newly discovered and in that sense, I'm kind of like a baby, exploring. 

I'm not always there. But when I'm in this place, magic happens. Conversations happen. Dreams are more vivid and complex.  People show up in the most serendipitous ways. Things change.


  1. Excellent writing! It is always best when it has to be put down on paper, and without too much focus on the self. You make it sound like it is not about you but about the opportunity, the opportunity to experience the energy that surrounds you full head on!! I am so happy to be a part of that energy and thank you for expressing it so eloquently!!!